Rotten Steps
by gar-a-ash
Summary: Hidan works a boring job, owns a boring car, and has a boring life. But when Deidara is fired, a new kid comes in to replace him. Suddenly, Hidan's world is shaken up by the new kid. Yaoi, HidanXItachi, one-shot


"_You walk on like a woman in suffering._

_Won't even bother now to tell me why._

_You come along, letting all of us savor the moment,_

_Leaving me broken another time._

_You come along like a blood-stained hurricane,_

_Leave me alone let me be this time._

_You carry on like a holy man pushing redemption,_

_I don't want to mention the reason._

_I know!_

_That I am stricken and can't let you go,_

_When the heart is cold there's no hope and we know,_

_That I am crippled by all that you've done!_

_Into the abyss will I ru-"_

Hidan sighed as the music cut off with the car's engine. Damn, that was one of his favorite songs, but if he stayed out in the car any longer he'd look like an idiot.

Mentally preparing himself for the day, he pulled the keys out of the ignition, pocketing them. He opened the rusty door, stepping out and slamming it behind him. Not bothering to lock it, after all, who would steal a rust-bucket like that, he walked into the old brick building.

He greeted the security guard, Kisame, and grabbed his punch-in card. He slipped it into the slot, making sure the damn thing worked. Last week he missed a day's pay because the machine decided to skip out on him.

Setting the card back in its pocket, he waved a farewell to Kisame, heading up the stairs. Grumbling to himself, he unlocked his office door, seeing as Deidara was never on time to do it himself.

He casually tossed the keys onto his desk, turning on both his and Deidara's computers. The dinosaurs roared to life, and he walked back into the hall, to see if the coffee machine would work this time.

Luck was not with him this morning. A hastily drawn sign was taped to the old machine, saying "OUT OF ORDER". Fuck.

He walked back into the stifling office, noting that the computers were still on the warm-up screen. He looked up at the clock, the first glance of the millions he would do that day. 7:53. That meant he had at least fifteen minutes before Deidara would be there, which meant no conversation besides Kisame.

Glancing at the screens again, and seeing they were only two bars loaded, he decided to go downstairs.

He stepped down the creaking stairs, wincing as one threatened to almost break. The stairs should have been replaced long ago, but the chances of that happening was very slim. Their boss was cheap enough to shame Scrooge.

He arrived downstairs, miraculously harm-free, and nodded to Kisame.

"Sup fucker?"

"Not much, Hidan. How's it going?"

"Fucking coffee machine's out again."

"Aw, shit. That's the only thing worth coming here for."

"Yeah, and you know it's not getting fixed 'till our cheap-ass boss pays for it."

Frowning, he flipped off the picture of their boss that was hanging in the hallway. Kisame sighed.

"You might not want to do that, Hidan. The boss got some cameras installed."

"What?! He installed cameras, but he can't pay for air-conditioning?"

"You know how Kakuzu is", Kisame said, flipping his hand through the air.

"Ah, fuck."

"You might want to warn Dei to stop jacking off, because he installed them in the office too."

"Fucking prick. Yeah, I'll warn 'em when he finally gets his slow ass here."

"He's late again? If he keeps this up, he's gonna get his ass fired."

"I've tried fucking telling him, but he doesn't want to fucking listen. You know how he is."

Kisame just shook his head as Deidara finally walked in the door, a good half-hour late.

"How's it goin', un?"

"Mornin' Dei. Kakuzu got some cameras installed, so no more fucking off during break, got it?"

"What?! Aw, come on, what else am I supposed to do, un?"

"You could eat lunch, like normal people."

"Hidan, you know I can't afford it, un."

"I've offered to pay, blondie."

"Stop calling me that, un. Besides, I'd have to pay you back."

Before Hidan could protest, Deidara started walking up the stairs. "Hidan, you started up the computers, right?"

"Yeah. Oh, and the fucking coffee machine's out again."

Even from downstairs they could hear Deidara's groan. Kisame shook his head before turning back to Hidan.

"I suppose you're goin' back up?"

"Yeah, I gotta do somethin' today. Dei might want to get fired, but I sure as hell don't."

"See ya at lunch then."

"See ya."

Hidan waved as he traveled back up the stairs, skipping the seventh step, the one almost rotted through. He walked into his overheated office, seeing Deidara in his chair.

"Up, blondie."

"But Hidan, your chair's more comfy then mine!"

"Why do you think I called it when I did?"

"Prick…."

Deidara growled and rose, giving Hidan back his chair.

"Good kohai."

"Hey!"

Hidan plopped into the chair, listening to it squeak as it took his weight. He turned it around to face his computer, growling as he realized it still wasn't loaded yet. Those things got slower and slower every day, it seemed.

He held an idle conversation with Deidara while they waited for the computers to finish booting up, occasionally looking up at the clock as if to say, 'Can't these move any faster?!'

Finally, the familiar dinging noise alerted them of the computers being ready. They wheeled around, opening up the familiar files for them to work on. Hidan had to hand it to the machines: as soon as they started up, they were faster than shit.

"Ready to get to work, un?"

"Do we have a fucking choice?"

Deidara chuckled, already beginning to type. The work was dull and repetitive, occupying hours of time without anything really getting accomplished. Hidan didn't even know what they were doing it for, all he knew was that they were getting paid barely over minimum wage for it. Oh well, it could be worse. They could be on the streets.

Finally, lunch hour came.

"Dear Jashin, I thought it was never going to end!"

"You say this everyday, Hidan, un."

"Because we do this every Jashin-damned day!"

Deidara just rolled his eyes, taking another drag on his cigarette. Unable to do his regular break-time hobby, he decided to hang out with Hidan and Kisame outside. The three of them sat outside, smoking and occasionally coughing. Smoking was a horrible habit, but they needed something to do to occupy their time.

As usual, the delivery boy came to deliver lunch, the familiar red-head stepping out of the van.

"Hey 'Sori, what's up?"

"Not much, Kisame. The usual, right?"

"Yep."

Sasori handed out the foil containers, noticing Deidara there.

"Hey, do you want anything?"

"Can't afford it, un."

"I almost never see you, Deidara. What brings you down here?"

"Kakuzu got cameras installed. Can't jack off like I normally do, un."

"That sucks. Well, I'd like to stay and visit, but I gotta get back. See you guys tomorrow!" With that, Sasori got into his van and drove off, leaving them there to chat.

Unfortunately, all lunch hours must eventually end.

Grumbling, they returned to the building, punching back in. Their boss was obsessed with saving money, so making them punch out at lunch was one of his many policies.

Hidan and Deidara waved farewell to Kisame as they headed back up the steps, skipping the seventh. They opened their door, laughing their way into the room. Hidan suddenly froze.

Deidara's computer screen read, "Computer error, all files erased".

Deidara followed Hidan's gaze, freezing as well.

"Deidara, please tell me you followed protocol for ONCE and copied the files to a disk."

Judging from the blond's pale face, he hadn't.

"Oh, fuck."

"I'm screwed, un."

"What do you mean, you didn't copy the files to a disk! It's protocol for a reason!"

Deidara flinched as the giant stitched man shouted at him, trying not to seem too cowardly. Yeah, right.

Hidan and Kisame flinched in the next room, hearing their boss's voice through the thin wall.

"First, you're always late, and now this?! Deidara, this is the last straw. You're fired!"

The pair in the next room cringed, knowing this would happen but wishing it wasn't. Deidara, why couldn't you have followed the rules just once?!

The heard the front door slam shut, the building shaking. They waited until they heard the boss's car drive off, then slowly entered the room Deidara was in.

The teen just stood there, shaking with emotion. Hidan approached him.

"Dei?"

Deidara just brushed by him, walking swiftly out the door. Hidan and Kisame stared after him. After all, what could they do?

"Morning Kisame."

"Morning Hidan."

Hidan walked up the stairs, skipping the seventh. He unlocked the door to the office, dropped the keys on the table, and started up his computer. Dei's wouldn't need to be turned on.

Waiting for the computer to start up, he walked down the hall, seeing if the coffee machine was working. Still out of order. Shit.

Sighing, he walked downstairs, foot sinking in to the rotted step. Swearing, he pulled his foot off before it broke, half-running down the rest of the steps.

"Hey, Hidan…."

"What?"

"The boss got someone new…."

Hidan gaped. "That fucking prick! He just fires Deidara, and hires someone new like that!"

Kisame gave a small smile. "Sorry man, but you're going to have to show him the ropes. Kakuzu's orders."

"Fuck. Where is the fucking kid?"

"He just pulled in, I'm guessing."

Kisame pointed to a small black car that just pulled in, a raven-haired man driving.

"Ah, fuck."

The man in the car stepped out, dressed in all black. His onyx eyes glanced at the building, then at the people waiting for him on the bottom floor, looking through the glass. Finally, he took a deep breath and walked in.

He glanced at Kisame, looking curious, but apparently intelligent enough not to ask. He then looked at Hidan.

"Hello, my name is Itachi", he said in a quiet voice.

"Yeah, my name's Hidan, and this fucker is Kisame. He's the security guard. I take it you're the new kid?"

Itachi just nodded.

"Allright, upstairs then. Watch the seventh step, it's rotted." Itachi led the way upstairs, Hidan following him.

As he looked up, he got a view of Itachi's butt. 'Nice ass', he thought, then shook his head._ What? _Did he just think that? Sure, Hidan was gay, but this punk was taking Deidara's place. How could he think that?

They quickly reached the top of the stairs, and Itachi respectfully waited for him at the top of the stairs.

"What, you don't know how to fucking open a door?"

"I'm not sure what the rules of the room are. I observe before I screw up."

Hidan had to admit, he had a point. Still, he was trying not to like the kid, which was getting increasingly hard to do with that cute expression….

Oh, hell no! There was no way he was thinking that at a time like this!

Shaking his head, he walked into the room, flopping down into his chair. Itachi followed suit, sitting in Deidara's old chair, waiting for Hidan to speak.

"You know how to do fucking filing, right?"

"Yes."

"That's basically what we do. You input the data, file it into its class, and save what you've done at the end of each hour onto a disk. The computers mess up every now and then, and you don't want to lose all the work you've done."

"Understood."

"We get an hour lunch, and we punch out when we stop working. Sasori gets us our usual, but you're going to have to call in ahead of time so he knows what to bring you. Got it so far?"

"Yes."

These one word responses were driving him nuts.

"We clock out at six. Kisame locks up, and I take the disks to the main office. You make sure everything's shut down. Kakuzu doesn't want anything left on, he's a fucking bitch about wasting money."

"Hn."

"What, words aren't good enough for me anymore?"

"I find no need to speak at this particular moment."

Fucking smartass.

"Start up your computer. It'll take about half an hour to finish starting, 'cause our boss is too cheap to buy new ones."

"What do we do in the meantime?"

"What, finally dignifying me with a full sentence?"

"Hn."

"We pretty much just talk until the fucking dinosaurs wake up."

"Dinosaurs?" Itachi questioned.

"Our nickname for the computers."

"Hn."

They sat in silence for about fifteen minutes, watching the bars slowly slide across the screen. Eventually, Hidan felt the need to say something, anything.

"So…what do you fucking do for fun?"

"Read."

"That fucking it?"

"I go out every now and then."

"Any favorite TV shows?"

"CSI."

Of course.

"How about you?"

"Huh?" Hidan asked, snapping back to reality.

"Do you have any favorite shows?"

"I watch a bunch of fucking shit. Mostly sci-fi shit, horror, stuff like that."

"Seems about right."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'm guessing it was your car in the front, yes? You had a dragon air freshener. Most people with dragon air fresheners watch sci-fi."

"You knew that much just by looking at my fucking car?"

"It wasn't hard to guess. What's your favorite food?"

"Anything spicy. You?"

"Dango and pocky. Favorite restaurant?"

"Fuck that, I just go to Taco Bell."

"I might have guessed that. I prefer ice-cream stands, really."

Hidan stared. "You'd rather have ice-cream than food?"

"What?"

"Nothing."

Realizing the computers had started up, they went to work, Itachi occasionally asking questions, which Hidan answered gladly. It gave him an opportunity to talk to the boy, after all.

A few hours later, Hidan popped his last save disk out, looking over his shoulder to Itachi.

"Save your data, it's lunch time."

Itachi nodded and popped a disk in, stretching and yawning. Hidan watched, face slightly flushed. Why did he have to be so damn cute?!

Itachi noticed him staring, and asked, "What?"

"Hurry up."

Itachi looked at him closely, then shrugged and popped the disk out, putting it on his stack of disks. He followed Hidan down the stairs, apparently forgetting about the rotted step.

He fell through, yelping in surprise. Hidan automatically reached out his arm and caught him, arms wrapped around the smaller teen's torso. Itachi fell back against him, pressing his back against Hidan's chest. The extra weight caused Hidan to lose his balance on the small step, and they both fell backwards onto the floor, Itachi landing on top of Hidan and pinning him there.

They both lay there, groaning, and Kisame looked at them, eyebrow raised.

"Hidan, anything I should know about?"

"Fuck you", Hidan managed to wheeze.

"It looks like Itachi's already got that covered, Hidan."

It was then they noticed their position, and Hidan shoved Itachi off him. "Man, you're fucking heavy."

"Not my fault."

"Yeah, it fucking is. Go on a Jashin-damned diet or something."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"Yes."

Kisame finally took sympathy on them, helping them up. "Wow, that was sad."

"Shut up", they said simultaneously, looking at each other oddly afterwards. Kisame looked at Itachi.

"Have you called for food yet?"

"No."

"Use the phone in my office. The number's on the wall. Come on, grandpa, outside. I need a smoke." He pushed Hidan out the door, taking the card and shoving it in the slot.

As soon as the door was shut, Kisame turned to Hidan accusingly. "What was that about?"

"What?"

"The stairs."

"Itachi forgot the step was rotten."

"Uh huh. You like him, don't you?"

"Yeah. I'm fucking gay, and he's hotter than fucking hell. Of course I like him."

Kisame got a mischievous glint in his eye, which Hidan immediately became suspicious of.

"Well, why don't we see what he feels back?"

"Kisame, don't you fucking dare."

Kisame just grinned as Itachi walked out the door, and Hidan paled. When Kisame wanted to do something, he did it, and no amount of begging could change his mind.

"Hey, Itachi-"

"Kisame, don't you fucking dare-!"

"Hidan's been telling me ALL about how hot you looked."

Hidan turned a fiery red, and Itachi looked shocked. Kisame's grin stretched wider, and he continued.

"Oh, Hidan didn't tell you he was gay? Oops, my bad."

"Kisame."

"Yes, Hidan?"

"You are fucking dead."

"No I'm not!" he replied as he ran into the building, where he was safe. Hidan glared after him, then fixed his gaze on the ground. He heard Itachi walk over, and his face grew even more flushed. 'Great, Kisame, nice job! Now he's gonna fucking call me a queer or something like that!'

"Hidan?"

Hidan remained silent.

"Hidan, was what he said true?"

Hidan's face became even more red. Itachi, using his amazing observational skills, concluded it meant yes.

All of a sudden, Hidan felt his chin tilted up, and a pair of soft lips pressed against his own. Shocked, he responded to the kiss, biting Itachi's lip.

Itachi pulled away and looked at him.

"So, what do you think of me now?"

Hidan thought for the briefest of moments.

"That you are the hottest man I have ever met, and if you don't get your ass over here right now, I'll have to go over there and get it myself."

Itachi purred and walked over, standing on tiptoe to meet Hidan's height.

"I'm here, what are you going to do about it?"

"This", Hidan growled, pressing his lips against Itachi's.

They kissed each other, and the world ceased to exist for them, and they became lost in each other.

Sasori drove the van up, cursing at the brake that insisted on sticking. He glanced up from the dash, and saw Hidan and some other kid making out.

He scratched his head, confused.

"What the hell do they do for work here?"


End file.
